The Right Time To Get Married?

The Right Time To Get Married?

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Let’s be clear, there is not set time or moment that is agreed upon to be married. Every relationship is different, and every circumstances are not alike. Marriage is a decision that is based on you, your partner, and your relationship. The concept of how long we’ve been together doesn’t really matter, but the quality of time and how it’s spent with one another tends to be much more important.

Conversely, others may feel different. According to the research, one is not recommended to be married during the first 1-2 years. Usually, that’s the average time it takes for the infatuation stage to fade. The infatuation stage is when an individual in a relationship is blinded to the true reality of their relationship. During the first to two years, we tend to be truly enamored by one another added to a positive override of our feelings and emotions, that we miss a number of red flags. Even when we notice certainins things about our partner that we don’t like during the infatuation stage, we can easily and quickly overlook these things and minimize their importance. However, after the infatuation stage fades, that’s when these former little things became major problems in the relationship. And honestly speaking, do you really truly know your partner after two years of dating. Instead of focusing on the time, instead pay more attention on your relationship after removing the blinders.

Before moving onto a marriage, consider these 3 things:

1- Do I really know you?

The couple should get to know almost everything about one another (you’ll never know every single thing because people change daily!).

  • Do you want kids? How many?
  • What is your parenting style?
  • Where should we live?
  • What are your feelings about family?
  • How do you view money?
  • Household chores; what are your beliefs?
  • What is your love language? What makes you feel loved?
  • How do you behave when you’re angry? Can i tolerate that?
  • After a hard day off work, how do you behave?
  • What are your triggers, and how do you cope with them?
  • And etc…

2- How do we argue?

The way a couple fight predicts divorce or a happy home. As a couple, do you get through your arguments with a positive ending or do you engage in the four horsemen (Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt & Stonewalling). No relationship is without arguments, but happy couples handle their conflicts vastly different from unhappy couples.

3- Age?

Does age matter? No, not really. A younger couple might need more time to self-develop in regards to their values, life experiences, understanding of self, and etc… More time may also be needed to develop the state of their relationship. On the other, an older couple may face more challenges. If they have kids, how do we merge this blended family, and be respectful of our previous family. So at the end, all that matters is that you know yourself very well, and you know what type of person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Marriage does not change people. They will be whom they’ve always been

The Final Truth

There is no agreed upon formula that dictates at what age nor what time frame within the relationship should you get married. Just remember to be clear that you are aware of your needs in a relationship, your partner’s ability to meet and fulfill your needs, and how your value system match with one another. Always remember, you are in control of your life. Be Wise!

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